In Kabbalah joy and grief are inextricably intertwined. Our rituals teach us that both are parts I have this odd psychic gift that allows me to sense a major life change six months to a year in advance. It has to do with my clothing. One day I find that I hate half the things in my closet, outfits that I liked perfectly well yesterday. Or perhaps the message comes while out shopping with friends and suddenly I want clothing that does not match my job or my lifestyle. This is one way that I receive a clear message that life is about to change long before there is any plan, awareness, or decision on my part.
I am in the middle of such a change, wondering what my new aesthetic is telling me. I have switched from a casual and perhaps slightly edgy professional look into an edgy sensual professional look. I am not actually sure that is a look, but if my wardrobe is any indication, I am creating it, starting with dark blue streaks in my long dark hair, that seem to slide under most people's visual radar.
In the past these shifts have signaled a new higher level job requiring a more pulled together look. Or perhaps a job in a new culture that had a bit more serious cultural norm. But not this time. This shift is a simultaneously more intense and more liberating. It is not only my clothes that seem at odds with my life. I find myself humming that old song "going where the weather suits my clothes" and adding on shoes, furniture, hair, laughter, passions, style and lifestyle. Even my walk and signature have shifted slightly. It seems that my body has some secret knowledge it is not sharing. I can only guess at the future based on what I see in the mirror.
Interestingly, this is how I learn languages. First my body starts to move like a native speaker, then the accent flows from my mouth, and finally the words take root in my mind. It is also the way I read as an empath. Energy flows through me aligning my awareness with people and places and information. The messages journey upwards and come out of my mouth, often bypassing my mind as if my body is reticent to have my mind intrude on the experience and act as a judge rather than an honest translator.
So life is about to change, though I have no idea how. Will I run away to sea and join a pirate crew? My clothes would fit in well. Or perhaps I am destined to meet a sensual lover, who could of course be a pirate, who will help me explore my new sense of self. There is always the chance that my art will start to sell and I will need clothing that sets me apart from the crowd.
Better yet, it is possible that I am coming into my own and dropping my disguises after years of hiding behind a persona that fit in to my career. Perhaps my new self will create a career and life that matches my soul, one that does not require me to turn down my own sound track. I know it is possible be fully alive, passionately guided by my own definition of professional edgy sensuality. Now let me change clothes and head to that horizon.
Dr. Elisa Robyn, a modern-day Renaissance educator and leader, is the author of The Way of the Well, a spiritual romance, and Pirate Wisdom, lessons in leadership. Her eclectic career positions include geologist, Dean of Arts and Sciences, Vice President of Academic Affairs, Futurist, and Innovative Mojo Coach. Currently, Elisa is an executive director at Regis University. She holds a Masters degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and a Ph.D. from the University of Colorado, Boulder. Her most current writings can be found at https://www.ElisaRobyn.com