Not sure it’s clear how I feel on patience. I want to have things happen when I decide they’re a good idea – or sooner. I am a terrible patient because I want to be better yesterday, and mistakes frustrate the hell out of me.
This may be something I’m getting “opportunities” to work on throughout my life. Hah!
I just had major abdominal surgery (a hysterectomy) on Friday. I was planning on being back to work Monday. Well – internal bleeding, passing out 3 times on the way to the ER, 2 liters of blood loss and several blood transfusions and a 2-night hospital stay later, it’s Wednesday and I’m not back to work. Not gonna be there this week, my body is not having it.
I’m being “encouraged” to slow down. Which I can feel myself fighting. The funny thing is, when I’m working, all I want to do is be home with my kiddos. When I’m stuck here and can’t do anything, though, all I want to do is things. I get frustrated by the limitations of this human body and human experience.
I know we all do. It’s very human and normal. Part of this is remembering that if this had happened to one of my daughters I would be all over her like white on rice to stay down and let me take care of her. My own body deserves the same – and so does yours. We are here to learn self-nurturing, too.
We have this running dialogue, though, in our heads of what we “should” be doing at any given moment. Now, that’s not a bad thing, it’s really not. It helps us keep track of our goals, the things we’d like to accomplish in a day, a week, a lifetime. However – we have to allow detours. We have to allow life to create detours – because life is going to create them, whether we want it to or not.
The only power we have is our reaction to and anticipation of the changes. A wise character in a romance novel once said (and yes, I know how funny that is lol) – “I can stay up all night worrying about how much rain we’ll get, and if the crops will grow, or if locusts will come and eat everything, or if there will be a fire. Or I can get my sleep and those things will happen anyway. The only difference is how tired I’m gonna be the next day”.
Normally I don’t take my wisdom from Nora Roberts, but in this case – if the romance novel fits, I’ll wear it. Okay – mixed metaphor, but anyway – the point is, there are one million things to stress about daily, and we really only need to think about one or two of them anyway.
I’m focusing on healing right now. That means a bunch of other stuff has to fall by the wayside – for now. My house is not going to look the way I like it, I simply do not have the energy to pull an 8-hour workday, and my kiddos are going to have to climb in my lap for loves instead of me picking them up.
But I’m here. I didn’t die – and it was a real possibility for a while there. I can continue working on all these “opportunities for growth” I have, and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the frustration I’m in the middle of, because I’m still in the middle of it, not on the other side of it.
Stupid, glorious, ingenious, damn patience anyway.
A Reiki Master, Theta Healer, psychic intuitive, oracle card reader, crystal-lover, medium, life coach, empath, and loving co-hort in this physical world.